arrays | yours in demigodishness

Only then did he start to unfurl himself, little by little. He turned toward her, still tense, but loosening enough to find her hand with his, skin burning. Leo didn't have an answer for her, but before he could stop himself, words were spilling out of his mouth.

"Nightmare," he was mumbling against her arm. "It wasn't like before. I saw the fire. I saw her." Leo opened his eyes, searching for Natalie's, ghosts dancing behind them. It never quite occurred to him how much he needed her, but today, as bad as it was, he needed some kind of anchor. His voice was shaky, barely audible when he said, "I watched her die."

Just thinking about it brought flickers of flame to his fingertips.

"Shit," she swears under her breath. She maintains the space between them, keeping her eyes on his, even as she instantly pulls her hand out of his grasp when the flames appear. They reach for his face instead and she licks her lips nervously, wanting to keep him calm and definitely not wanting to cause alarm with her own jerky movements.

"Focus on me," Natalie tries next. "I know she's everywhere in your thoughts right now, but you can't keep her in your head like that." How helpful is this? She isn't sure. It seems stupid, telling him to just think about her but - she's here, flesh and blood, and she can pull him out of this low moment.

The effect seeing the flames and seeing her jerk away from him - a perfectly normal reaction, he told himself - was clear. His hands trembled, the flames licking at his wrists and wanting to go up his arms.

"Natalie, I don't want to hurt you." The words came out as a plea, the frustration he felt evident in his eyes. Leo needed her, but he didn't know what he would do if he burned her. "I don't want to lose you, too."

"I know."

Natalie set her jaw, staying still for a moment because she wants to be careful - sure, she wanted to be safe, but she didn't want another burn resting on Leo's conscience. Moving swiftly, she moved closer to him so she could at least provide a kiss for support.

"I'm gonna be right here," she reassured him, "as long as you want me around."

It's that one, small touch that helps steady him, the fire faltering as he nodded in reply. His hands were still shaking, but with her here, Leo had every reason to fight his power. It took time, concentration, and her support, but eventually, it died down to sparks. A little more time, and it was gone altogether, though he was still on edge.

Once it was done, he looked back at Natalie, his hand tentatively seeking hers to pull her to him.

She smiled tentatively. "Good."

It was easier, letting him pull her closer, and that was when an idea struck. It wasn't very original, considering how often she used the technique herself, but it could help him in return and that was more important to her. Let them deal with the aftermath tomorrow.

Slowly, she pulled herself into his lap, close enough to further prove that she wasn't frightened, resting her forehead against his.

She may not have been afraid, but Leo was. He knew exactly how close to the edge he was, and he was still letting off enough heat that she should, too. It was clear what she had in mind the instant she settled into his lap, even if she didn't push it - they'd been here enough times before that he could easily recognize it, positions switched and all.

It sent a fresh wave of panic through him.

"I don't want to hurt you," he said again, voice strained.

Natalie didn't move from her position just yet, keeping her hands secure on his shoulder, her gaze unwavering.

She didn't want to say that he won't hurt her, but, "I'll risk it." Not that this was any more comforting, but it was still the truth. Her lips sought her for a more tentative kiss.

He trusted her not to lie just to make him feel better, but she had more trust in him than he did in himself. When she kissed him, his grip on her arms tightened, but he kissed back hesitantly, just hoping he didn't burn her.

"See?" she whispered hopefully, "we're totally okay."

Her thumb grazed his cheek affectionately before she lifted her chin to press her lips to his forehead. It wouldn't be right, she thought, to jump into anything sexual, but she was fully aware of the effects of physical contact, especially for people like them.

Biting his lip, Leo leaned into her touch and wished he could believe her. He wanted to, and having Natalie here was a comfort, but it would take a lot to get his mind off of what happened. Shifting, he slid his arms around her waist, closing his eyes and burying his face in her neck.

Nothing is ever easy and she had been well aware of that fact her entire life. It still doesn't mean that she won't put forth an effort for him. They would go slowly.

Her hands move in a pattern, over his back, his arms, his neck, through his hair, over and over again - her attempt at soothing. "You know I love you."

There was a soft sound at the contact, and Leo nodded into her shoulder. He gave a shuddering sigh, willing himself to calm down. Wasn't he the one always accusing her of thinking too much?

After a while, he pulled back just enough to look up at her, wanting to stay close in spite of his worries - or really, because of them. "I love you, too."

"Good."

She chuckled quietly, trying to smile for him. "And - and there are people who also love you and think of you as family," Natalie continued, threading her fingers through his hair. "They trust you." Shifting her body, she moved from her sideways position to face him fully, legs on each side, sitting taller. "I know it doesn't - you're feeling low and it doesn't seem like any of it is true but I mean everything."

"I know. It - That's not what I'm worried about." He shook his head, frustrated. "It's - I don't want to hurt anyone, but it's already happened once. What if... What if I lose control again?" he asked, voice a whisper.

His mother had trusted him, too.

"I used to lose control," Natalie explained, "not that it was anything at all like what you experienced, like, mostly me sort of bottling up and then letting it all out all at once. Maybe it's not just mastering techniques but putting yourself in the right mindset, which is easier said than done, but -- maybe it will help."

She squeezed his shoulders. "I -- know it's not easy, with what happened to you. I can't imagine what it felt like and I just feel like I'm talking out of my ass trying to say things to make you feel a little better. I'm sorry."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

It was difficult to shake the idea that if it happened once, it could happen again, and Leo had no doubts that Gaea would target Natalie if she wanted to get to him again. It was all too easy to admit that it would work like a charm.

With a soft sigh, Leo craned his neck to brush his lips over hers, barely a kiss. "I love you," he said with a soft sigh. I won't let her take you from me.

"I love you too."

The words come out easily nowadays. "I'm sorry - sorry that I don't know how exactly to help you." It only frustrates her further, and he should know that feeling better than anyone else. She kisses him back, firmly, before parting her lips to breathe him in.

He only shook his head in reply - don't worry about me, I get it, I understand. Few demigods had a happy home life; Leo was hardly special. The only difference was that few demigods were capable of destroying the entire camp if they let their tragic pasts catch up to them.

Her voice, her kiss - it felt as if those were the only things that could get his mind off of the nightmare, even for a little while. His hands still trembled, but Leo managed to kiss back, still hesitant and yet telling himself to focus on her, only her, like she had suggested earlier. He couldn't keep on like he was before Natalie had come -- it kept others safe, but left him susceptible to his own thoughts and memories.

"Focus on me," she'd said. It took every ounce of effort he had in him, but Leo tried.

Natalie didn't know what pushed her to pull back to rid herself of her plaid shirt. Maybe it will prove something, maybe it will tell him something she can't express. Her boldness, she hopes, is a sign that she doesn't think he's a monster.

She reached for his hands and rested them on her narrow waist. She feels him tremble and that only makes her more determined to get him through the day.

"Is this okay?"

Inhaling sharply, Leo couldn't help but watch, mouth parted in surprise. That wasn't - She didn't usually do that, even when they were both okay and acting, for once, like normal teenagers did. It sent another surge of fear through him, materialized in startled sparks dancing across his skin even as she placed his hands on one of his favorite parts of her. His mouth went dry, and suddenly it was hard to speak.

Well, she had his attention.

"Nat," he said, voice small, "I'll burn you."

Leo didn't know how she could do it - how she could trust him at a time like this, with his power going haywire. He didn't even trust himself, though he didn't want her to go.

"I - I want to show you how much I love you," she explained, sliding her hands up his arms so he could cup his cheeks. "I don't give a sh - no, no, I do. But I'm not scared of you or what you can do."

She pursed her lips, looking him over as she lifted a finger to brush some hair away from his forehead, each movement of hers tender and far more gentle than she thought she was ever capable of doing.

I'm not scared of you.

The words echoed through his mind, speaking directly to every vulnerable part of him, everything that made him want to run. There was one, frustrating voice in his head that whispers you should be, but Leo took a shaky breath and focused back on her. Meeting her eyes, he stared up at her for a moment before giving Natalie an uncertain nod, hands slowly sliding down her waist to her hip in a very deliberate attempt to calm himself.

She tucked her hair behind her ears before canting her head to the side, observing him. Would another kiss be too smothering? She did not want that. Instead of full contact, she simply brushed her lips over his, allowing him to close the space if he so chose.

One hand followed the line of his shoulder and down his chest so she could press it over his heart.

And close the space he did, after a half-second's hesitation. His arms wound tight around her waist, clinging to Natalie and pulling her a little bit closer. His heart was beating a million times a minute, caught between fear, frustration, nervousness, and a desperate hope that Natalie was right, and he wouldn't hurt her after all. Leo wanted to believe her, to believe that he wasn't the diablo that Aunt Rosa had said he was. He needed to be close to her for that.

Edited 2014-06-01 13:45 (UTC)

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