arrays | yours in demigodishness

"I used to lose control," Natalie explained, "not that it was anything at all like what you experienced, like, mostly me sort of bottling up and then letting it all out all at once. Maybe it's not just mastering techniques but putting yourself in the right mindset, which is easier said than done, but -- maybe it will help."

She squeezed his shoulders. "I -- know it's not easy, with what happened to you. I can't imagine what it felt like and I just feel like I'm talking out of my ass trying to say things to make you feel a little better. I'm sorry."

"How am I supposed to do that?"

It was difficult to shake the idea that if it happened once, it could happen again, and Leo had no doubts that Gaea would target Natalie if she wanted to get to him again. It was all too easy to admit that it would work like a charm.

With a soft sigh, Leo craned his neck to brush his lips over hers, barely a kiss. "I love you," he said with a soft sigh. I won't let her take you from me.

"I love you too."

The words come out easily nowadays. "I'm sorry - sorry that I don't know how exactly to help you." It only frustrates her further, and he should know that feeling better than anyone else. She kisses him back, firmly, before parting her lips to breathe him in.

He only shook his head in reply - don't worry about me, I get it, I understand. Few demigods had a happy home life; Leo was hardly special. The only difference was that few demigods were capable of destroying the entire camp if they let their tragic pasts catch up to them.

Her voice, her kiss - it felt as if those were the only things that could get his mind off of the nightmare, even for a little while. His hands still trembled, but Leo managed to kiss back, still hesitant and yet telling himself to focus on her, only her, like she had suggested earlier. He couldn't keep on like he was before Natalie had come -- it kept others safe, but left him susceptible to his own thoughts and memories.

"Focus on me," she'd said. It took every ounce of effort he had in him, but Leo tried.

Natalie didn't know what pushed her to pull back to rid herself of her plaid shirt. Maybe it will prove something, maybe it will tell him something she can't express. Her boldness, she hopes, is a sign that she doesn't think he's a monster.

She reached for his hands and rested them on her narrow waist. She feels him tremble and that only makes her more determined to get him through the day.

"Is this okay?"

Inhaling sharply, Leo couldn't help but watch, mouth parted in surprise. That wasn't - She didn't usually do that, even when they were both okay and acting, for once, like normal teenagers did. It sent another surge of fear through him, materialized in startled sparks dancing across his skin even as she placed his hands on one of his favorite parts of her. His mouth went dry, and suddenly it was hard to speak.

Well, she had his attention.

"Nat," he said, voice small, "I'll burn you."

Leo didn't know how she could do it - how she could trust him at a time like this, with his power going haywire. He didn't even trust himself, though he didn't want her to go.

"I - I want to show you how much I love you," she explained, sliding her hands up his arms so he could cup his cheeks. "I don't give a sh - no, no, I do. But I'm not scared of you or what you can do."

She pursed her lips, looking him over as she lifted a finger to brush some hair away from his forehead, each movement of hers tender and far more gentle than she thought she was ever capable of doing.

I'm not scared of you.

The words echoed through his mind, speaking directly to every vulnerable part of him, everything that made him want to run. There was one, frustrating voice in his head that whispers you should be, but Leo took a shaky breath and focused back on her. Meeting her eyes, he stared up at her for a moment before giving Natalie an uncertain nod, hands slowly sliding down her waist to her hip in a very deliberate attempt to calm himself.

She tucked her hair behind her ears before canting her head to the side, observing him. Would another kiss be too smothering? She did not want that. Instead of full contact, she simply brushed her lips over his, allowing him to close the space if he so chose.

One hand followed the line of his shoulder and down his chest so she could press it over his heart.

And close the space he did, after a half-second's hesitation. His arms wound tight around her waist, clinging to Natalie and pulling her a little bit closer. His heart was beating a million times a minute, caught between fear, frustration, nervousness, and a desperate hope that Natalie was right, and he wouldn't hurt her after all. Leo wanted to believe her, to believe that he wasn't the diablo that Aunt Rosa had said he was. He needed to be close to her for that.

Edited 2014-06-01 13:45 (UTC)

It's really shitty half the time, she thought, what the gods do to kids and families, complicating home life and not explaining to them what these strange powers and visions mean. And then they expected them to help save the world and Olympus and everything that's not in their power (or whatever) to defend. What kind of deal is that?

She pulled him in, not wanting to bog herself down with darkened thoughts. She said she would be here for him, so there she was, kissing him fervently and breathlessly. They were in their own bubble now, with no one to disturb them.

He was slow to respond at first, still unsure and afraid, but gradually, he pushed those thoughts away to focus only on her. It wasn't the healthy way to deal with it, but Leo had been running for a long time; old habits were hard to break, and Natalie, at least, gave him something to run to, something he'd never had before. When he kissed back, he clung to her like a lifeline, one hand curling into her hair.

Natalie began to work his shirt off, her hands clawing down his back, grabbing bunches of fabric so that she could reveal more skin. She understood that need to run, and she was happy to be the person he wanted to run to; if only she could return the favor as much during her times of need. But they were both learning.

His breath came as a hiss with her doing that, and he pulled back for a moment to take care of the problem. The shirt, complete with little holes and scorch marks from where Leo had lost control this morning, fell in a heap beside them and was instantly forgotten. It was for the better, really - he was trying to avoid thinking of the Blessing, the curse, trying to convince himself that the tingling on his skin is because his girlfriend, beautiful and undeniably sexy as she is, is sitting in his lap without a shirt on. It was a logical explanation, he told himself, not even noticing the sparks on his skin while he goes over her curves.

Natalie didn't notice just how many scorch marks there were on his shirt, only concentrating on taking it off and skimming her hands, warm but not as warm ad his, over his arms and his chest.

"Take my bra off," she instructed softly, murmuring into his ear, leaning over him so she could brush her lips around the shell, lightly nipping his earlobe.

He complied without a word, somehow finding it easier to listen to Natalie than to his own thoughts. A shiver went through him at the attention paid to his ear, the light touch distracting while he fumbled with the clasp - a small part of him registered frustration at the struggle; he'd never had problems with such a simple mechanism before. When it was finally out of the way, his hands found their way to her shoulders to carefully tug the straps down.

The light fabric was discarded easily and Natalie sat up to fix her hair a little, at least to gather the thick curls and twist them over one shoulder so she could kiss him without getting any in the way. And she did kiss him, bringing his hands to her body again, resting them at the small of her back. Was this progress? She hoped so, even for a small step.

Reminding herself not to rush, that they did not need to rush, she moves her lips slowly, quietly murmuring his name.

He watched her, trying to drink in every move she made until she caught his lips with hers. He still felt jittery, and more than a little tense, but Natalie knew better than anyone how to keep him focused in spite of the ADHD and all of his problems, and moving slowly helped at a time like this. His hands itched to move, but he still had trouble trusting himself with them, so he left them there while he kissed her back, grip tightening and loosening up again in turns.

Her lips formed a trail from his mouth down to his jaw, under his ear, his neck. He didn't have to do anything as far as she was concerned, and she was more than happy to take the lead this time. Her hands pushed between their bodies so she could undo his pants, not attempting to pull them off yet. Her teeth barely left marks on his skin as she started nibbling, mostly tasting and teasing him.

His body shifted automatically with her movements, giving her plenty of room to do what she wanted with hardly a thought. His eyes were shut while she found the most sensitive places along his skin, and Leo hardly noticed the soft whimpers he was making.

"Tell me what you've wanted me to do," she requested softly, lightly kissing his lips before touching her forehead to his. Her eyes were unusually wide, open, with a determination in her gaze. "I'll do it." If not, then she had a few ideas.

His eyes blinked open in surprise, blank and looking dazed. "What I..." It took him a moment before he realized what she was asking, and when he did, his eyes widened and mouth parted. Usually, there are a million different things he could ask of her, but this time, his mind wasn't offering much of anything. Typical, he thought, but then, there wasn't much working like normal today.

He started to say something, but words failed him, and somewhere in the back of Leo's mind, it registered exactly how unfair this whole thing was. With a puff of breath, he shook his head, settling for looping his arms around her again, mumbling, "I don't... I just don't want you to go, Nat." Ask him later, when he wasn't screwed up from some awful nightmare.

"I won't go," she promised, "I'm sorry, I don't mean to keep asking you questions, I just - I really just want to ..."

She shook her head. He must understand. Her hands came up again and she lightly scratched her nails over his scalp. Gently, she tipped his head back and kissed him, full of warmth and some desperation. "I love you so much," she mumbled. "You keep my afloat and I just - I don't know how I can do the same for you." Natalie always wanted the answers all at once, but she knew it wouldn't be an easy ride.

He gave a soft whine at the feeling of her nails, and before he knew it, she was kissing him again. He could swear he felt some of his own frustration in her touch, and it left Leo feeling anxious at bringing his own problems onto her, but today, he wanted to be selfish and keep her here. Somehow, he'd come to rely on her without even realizing it; Natalie helped keep him stable, as he tried to do for her.

"You're here," he said plainly, trying to keep the shaking out of his voice and resenting it when he failed. It was clear what she was asking, and Leo needed the distraction it offered. "I..." Biting his lip, he offered quietly, the suggestion coming out like a question, "I like it when you use your teeth."

Natalie smiled hopefully, lightly nipping his bottom lip to start, wanting to bring in some lightness. It was all very heavy, sometimes hard to swallow, falling headfirst, going this deep when they're still young, still kids. There are tomes written about the intensity of first loves, the marks it leaves on hearts, even when they're broken. Leo was already so deeply etched into her own.

She could at least give him something to hold onto. "Okay," she agreed finally, dipping her head to repeat her actions from before, along his neck.

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