It feels like the pieces of Allison are slipping away, one by one. It's not as though she expected people to be forced to linger in a place where they have lost so much - Chris Argent more than most - but the further they get from her, the further away Allison feels.
Part of her is almost dreading the funeral, because that's the moment where all of this will probably become real, and Lydia doesn't want it to be. She wants to be able to take back that scream and bring back her friend, but that's not possible.
(Well, it's possible. But she's not sure she wants to ask Peter how he did it. She doesn't have a feeling he'll be all that helpful, and if he is, the cost will be far too high, for her and Allison both.
Allison deserves to rest, after everything she's been through. Lydia doesn't have the right to take that from her. She died trying to save her best friend and Lydia doesn't want to cheapen that. But at the same time, Allison also deserves to live.)
"It isn't fair," she says softly, drifting a bit from the initial conversation to the weight of her own thoughts. "That people like Peter get to live and she has to die."
A few simple words set off a train of thought Scott isn’t prepared to handle. While he definitely agrees on that point - Peter is an asshole, full-stop, and Scott still doesn’t understand how he’d managed to come back from the dead in the first place - he can’t help but wonder what if.
What if he’d stayed dead? Would Derek still be the Alpha? Would Jackson still be the Kanima? Would the Alpha Pack and the Darach have bothered to come to Beacon Hills? Would he, Stiles, and Allison have had to make those sacrifices that opened them up to darkness, that let the Nogitsune in?
Scott shakes his head. Those are possibilities they can’t afford to think about. It won’t change anything.
“No, it isn’t,” he says finally, bowing his head with a sigh. “She… She deserved to live, and graduate high school, and college, and get married, have kids, grow old, all of that stuff…” His stomach clenches as he speaks, the weight of things she (and maybe, he’d think later, when he’s alone, he too) would never have the chance to do.
He takes a deep breath before he speaks up again, asking quietly, “What do you think she would do, if it were one of us?”
They’d seen her lose someone before, and at that time, not so long ago, Allison had turned cold and distant, becoming the ruthless hunter that werewolves everywhere were taught to fear. But Scott knew she’d been manipulated, and knew she would never let that happen again, if she’d had the chance. And if he could choose who lived or who died? He’d trade himself for Allison every time.
Cynically, Lydia doesn't think any of them ever will. If they all get old enough to escape and go to college it will be a miracle. She can't help but feel like this town is going to swallow them whole. It's kind of hard to shake that feeling otherwise when you always feel like you're walking through a graveyard.
"I don't know."
She didn't know about Peter when her mom died, and she knows that Allison will do anything to save her friends. But at the same time, Allison learned the hard way about how balance was important and that messing with forces they don't understand is more complicated than they should have to handle.
"I don't think she'd want to risk us coming back wrong." Peter was a sociopath before he died - the fire burned anything human out of him long ago. Who knows what the cost would be for someone who wasn't already broken.
Scott had never heard of someone successfully cheating death before Peter Hale, and honestly, he didn’t think that was the greatest example. He’d heard, in the vaguest sense, of how Lydia had helped that happen, and while he didn’t understand how that had even worked, he knew in his heart that Allison would never ask any of them to do such a thing for her.
Still, her last words echoed in the back of his mind, haunting him, making him wish for something, someone he could no longer have. He sighed softly, feeling defeated.
“You’re right,” he said finally, nodding at the ground. “I wouldn’t want her to come back wrong, either.”
Of course he wouldn’t. But in a perfect world, they wouldn’t have to think about it, because Allison would still be with them. Even if she wasn’t with him, not like they were before… she’d still be here. And that was all he wanted.
“I just…” Scott paused, taking a deep breath before his voice could crack with emotion. “I wish things happened differently.”
She feels the same way sometimes. She'd want Allison to be here, but at the same time, she'd still want her to be Allison. She wouldn't want something else coming back in Allison's skin, or her resenting them for making her deal with the consequences.
"Besides, for all we know it might only work on werewolves."
“Well, I’m not volunteering to find out,” Scott says, giving a slight shudder. He wouldn’t know how to even try to bring someone back, human or werewolf. It might even be something only Peter knows, and Scott isn’t willing to ask.
He sighs, wishing with all his heart that it hadn’t happened like it did - that the three of them had never had to put themselves under, that Stiles hadn’t been possessed by the nogitsune, or at least that Allison hadn’t come with them… But of course, there’s nothing he can do. A wave of grief rolls over him as the thought sinks in again, and Scott has to remind himself of everything his mother had told him while he cried in her arms.
With a soft sigh, he decides, “This sucks.”
And he still doesn’t know how they’re going to recover from it.
She laughs bitterly for a moment, before nodding in agreement. "Yeah, it does." She grits her teeth for a moment, before shaking her head. "I need to ... learn how this works. I need to figure out all the signs so that the next time it's someone important I can stop it, rather than just standing there uselessly and screaming."
She doesn't know how, or who to learn from or where to start, but she knows that she has to start somewhere. There has to be someone who knows how this all works.
Time to put the brave face back on, Scott decides. No matter what happened to Allison, he’s still the alpha, and his pack still needs him. The last thing he wants is to let any of them down again.
Giving Lydia a gentle nudge with elbow, he offers her a small, hopeful smile. “If anyone can figure it out, it’s you. There has to be a way. And we’ll help you find it, if we can.”
Scott McCall, always a sucker for hope even when it feels like there isn't one. If it were anyone but Scott, she would probably roll her eyes at the attempt to make her feel better, but with Scott you couldn't help but get this sense that he actually believes in her, and that's a feeling that's ... very new.
"Hopefully it won't be because I have an overabundance of dead bodies to practice on."
He almost laughs, but they’ve hit a point where gallows humor just isn’t as funny anymore. Even Stiles had mostly backed off by now. So instead, Scott just shakes his head.
“If I have anything to say about it, it won’t be,” he promises her. “There’s got to be a way for you to get used to this banshee thing without people dying every time. We just have to figure out what that is.”
She nods because she knows there's a way. She wants to believe that there's a purpose to all of this, because why have her predict these things if there can't be something done about them. She wants to give Scott that opportunity, she just doesn't know how.
"The only other banshee I've ever heard of is Meredith," she sighs. "And she's currently locked up in Eichen House."
She nods because that makes sense. She could probably use another banshee to talk to. But the questions are: will she want to talk to Lydia, and will Lydia be able to get out there without the rest of the staff finding out.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png){kind=small}
no subject
Part of her is almost dreading the funeral, because that's the moment where all of this will probably become real, and Lydia doesn't want it to be. She wants to be able to take back that scream and bring back her friend, but that's not possible.
(Well, it's possible. But she's not sure she wants to ask Peter how he did it. She doesn't have a feeling he'll be all that helpful, and if he is, the cost will be far too high, for her and Allison both.
Allison deserves to rest, after everything she's been through. Lydia doesn't have the right to take that from her. She died trying to save her best friend and Lydia doesn't want to cheapen that. But at the same time, Allison also deserves to live.)
"It isn't fair," she says softly, drifting a bit from the initial conversation to the weight of her own thoughts. "That people like Peter get to live and she has to die."
no subject
What if he’d stayed dead? Would Derek still be the Alpha? Would Jackson still be the Kanima? Would the Alpha Pack and the Darach have bothered to come to Beacon Hills? Would he, Stiles, and Allison have had to make those sacrifices that opened them up to darkness, that let the Nogitsune in?
Scott shakes his head. Those are possibilities they can’t afford to think about. It won’t change anything.
“No, it isn’t,” he says finally, bowing his head with a sigh. “She… She deserved to live, and graduate high school, and college, and get married, have kids, grow old, all of that stuff…” His stomach clenches as he speaks, the weight of things she (and maybe, he’d think later, when he’s alone, he too) would never have the chance to do.
He takes a deep breath before he speaks up again, asking quietly, “What do you think she would do, if it were one of us?”
They’d seen her lose someone before, and at that time, not so long ago, Allison had turned cold and distant, becoming the ruthless hunter that werewolves everywhere were taught to fear. But Scott knew she’d been manipulated, and knew she would never let that happen again, if she’d had the chance. And if he could choose who lived or who died? He’d trade himself for Allison every time.
no subject
"I don't know."
She didn't know about Peter when her mom died, and she knows that Allison will do anything to save her friends. But at the same time, Allison learned the hard way about how balance was important and that messing with forces they don't understand is more complicated than they should have to handle.
"I don't think she'd want to risk us coming back wrong." Peter was a sociopath before he died - the fire burned anything human out of him long ago. Who knows what the cost would be for someone who wasn't already broken.
no subject
Still, her last words echoed in the back of his mind, haunting him, making him wish for something, someone he could no longer have. He sighed softly, feeling defeated.
“You’re right,” he said finally, nodding at the ground. “I wouldn’t want her to come back wrong, either.”
Of course he wouldn’t. But in a perfect world, they wouldn’t have to think about it, because Allison would still be with them. Even if she wasn’t with him, not like they were before… she’d still be here. And that was all he wanted.
“I just…” Scott paused, taking a deep breath before his voice could crack with emotion. “I wish things happened differently.”
no subject
She feels the same way sometimes. She'd want Allison to be here, but at the same time, she'd still want her to be Allison. She wouldn't want something else coming back in Allison's skin, or her resenting them for making her deal with the consequences.
"Besides, for all we know it might only work on werewolves."
no subject
He sighs, wishing with all his heart that it hadn’t happened like it did - that the three of them had never had to put themselves under, that Stiles hadn’t been possessed by the nogitsune, or at least that Allison hadn’t come with them… But of course, there’s nothing he can do. A wave of grief rolls over him as the thought sinks in again, and Scott has to remind himself of everything his mother had told him while he cried in her arms.
With a soft sigh, he decides, “This sucks.”
And he still doesn’t know how they’re going to recover from it.
no subject
She doesn't know how, or who to learn from or where to start, but she knows that she has to start somewhere. There has to be someone who knows how this all works.
no subject
Giving Lydia a gentle nudge with elbow, he offers her a small, hopeful smile. “If anyone can figure it out, it’s you. There has to be a way. And we’ll help you find it, if we can.”
no subject
"Hopefully it won't be because I have an overabundance of dead bodies to practice on."
no subject
“If I have anything to say about it, it won’t be,” he promises her. “There’s got to be a way for you to get used to this banshee thing without people dying every time. We just have to figure out what that is.”
no subject
"The only other banshee I've ever heard of is Meredith," she sighs. "And she's currently locked up in Eichen House."
no subject
no subject
"That place gives me the creeps."