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I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers

Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness

I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket.

It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.

I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.

i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage

Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"

But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?

I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.

also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work

if immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't i?

All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"

If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right

i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should

i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.

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