wholesale mu qing (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
unfriendliest) wrote in ![[community profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/community.png)
arrays2020-05-19 03:27 pm
unfriendliest) wrote in arrays2020-05-19 03:27 pm
[closed] for sisi
[ Xian Le is in such disarray after the decision - after losing Shinobu, Baren, and Wei WuXian all in one fell swoop - that perhaps Ookurikara should never have made the choice to leave. But he did, almost immediately. Why, exactly, Wei WuXian had turned traitor has never really mattered. He’d made his choices, and Ookurikara is determined to make him regret it.
"Letting him go will just give him the chance to ruin you from outside the city," he says, the day he leaves. "I won’t let him hurt you again."
And so, he goes. He rarely writes (though Shinobu, when he finds her, cheerfully threatens him into it), and he only receives snippets of news regarding the situation back home. But his eyes are focused elsewhere, nose to the grindstone and ear to the ground, looking for any trace of their traitor. It’s a personal offense, on some level, that Wei WuXian would attack Xie Lian after all he’s done to establish peace, all while pretending to be their friends - to be Ookurikara’s own friend, putting up the front of the neutral friend who could sympathize with their problems when he was the root cause of them.
Ookurikara has never forgiven himself for having believed it. There’s an irrational part of his mind that tells him that somehow, he should have known. He should have put a stop to it before things got that far. He failed Xie Lian, for failing to find the traitor beforehand.
So he keeps going, and loses track of how much time has passed. And if the Eastside is a little quieter without him, Ookurikara doesn’t seem to care. Life goes on, and Xie Lian has others to work for him, after all. Jiang Cheng wouldn’t allow anything else to go wrong, now that the traitor is gone.
Some time later, though, when Xie Lian returns to his office on an overcast morning, he’ll find Ookurikara’s sword sitting on his desk, and a wooden practice sword from one of the training rooms beside it. With no note to be seen, it seems the message should be clear from that alone.
Ookurikara has returned to Montevallo. ]
"Letting him go will just give him the chance to ruin you from outside the city," he says, the day he leaves. "I won’t let him hurt you again."
And so, he goes. He rarely writes (though Shinobu, when he finds her, cheerfully threatens him into it), and he only receives snippets of news regarding the situation back home. But his eyes are focused elsewhere, nose to the grindstone and ear to the ground, looking for any trace of their traitor. It’s a personal offense, on some level, that Wei WuXian would attack Xie Lian after all he’s done to establish peace, all while pretending to be their friends - to be Ookurikara’s own friend, putting up the front of the neutral friend who could sympathize with their problems when he was the root cause of them.
Ookurikara has never forgiven himself for having believed it. There’s an irrational part of his mind that tells him that somehow, he should have known. He should have put a stop to it before things got that far. He failed Xie Lian, for failing to find the traitor beforehand.
So he keeps going, and loses track of how much time has passed. And if the Eastside is a little quieter without him, Ookurikara doesn’t seem to care. Life goes on, and Xie Lian has others to work for him, after all. Jiang Cheng wouldn’t allow anything else to go wrong, now that the traitor is gone.
Some time later, though, when Xie Lian returns to his office on an overcast morning, he’ll find Ookurikara’s sword sitting on his desk, and a wooden practice sword from one of the training rooms beside it. With no note to be seen, it seems the message should be clear from that alone.
Ookurikara has returned to Montevallo. ]
closes eyes
in a way, it's to be expected. the past six weeks have been loss after loss after loss, culminating in the ultimate betrayal; two of the very people xie lian was closest to, both complicit in the acts of violence that have been strewn across xian le territory. both people xie lian trusted, both people xie lian had known since he was small. baren kumou, his former bodyguard, his closest childhood friend, someone who xie lian had given more of himself to than nearly anyone in his life, and wei wuxian, someone he confided in and treasured. barely a few weeks before they finally caught him, xie lian had expressed his unbelievable frustration about how the people in his family refused to let him do much of anything beyond being a figurehead. if he'd just known, he could have done something, could've stopped all of this with his own hands, could have stopped wei wuxian from leaving, baren from getting involved, could've, should've.
what's left, at the end? a burnt town, and xie lian. the murder of his parents, unsolved, the eastside of montevallo, begging to be rebuilt. a town of people who have no faith in him, who look at him on the street with pity instead of hope, who take out their anger on their family leader when they can get close enough. he lets it happen.
xie lian has lost a lot this year. he thought his parents' death was the worst--xie lian hadn't had any idea of how bad it could possibly be.
to top it off, ookurikara left. it was, supposedly, for xie lian's sake, but xie lian had fought back when he left, still so raw and upset that they'd gotten into an argument. and now, ookurikara is gone too, so stubbornly set in this form of vengeance that xie lian didn't want him to find. he'd been the one to make the final decision on exiling wei wuxian, because -- because he knew, in his heart, that the actions he took were because of xie lian's failings. because it was xie lian who couldn't help him--couldn't help montevallo. wasn't trustworthy enough. wasn't strong enough. he doesn't seek vengeance. there's no point. there's nothing left in him to be angry.
but, as it turns out, the world continues to move on, no matter the tragedies that beset you. xie lian does his best to try and rebuild. he goes out and hammers nails and puts up siding himself, greets shopkeepers, sweeps ashes, holds funerals at the shrine. xie lian sees to the punishment of madame wren, and it feels like the world is in shades of gray instead of bright colors, the days blurring together. he and jiang cheng work, and work, and work, and days move into weeks, into months. he collects the short letters, the ones from shinobu and ookurikara alike, keeps them in his desk drawer with the locks and the letters from before. he reads them on rough days, finds comfort in shinobu's work outside of montevallo, and life moves on.
it's one of these gray days that xie lian enters his office to the sight of a sword on his desk. he knows it better than perhaps any weapon he's touched beyond his own; his hand reaches for the grip, hesitant, before curling around it. ookurikara is... he's here. he wouldn't leave this sword (like baren left the lock and the feather, like wei wuxian left him a note of apologies); he must be here.
it takes him a long moment of staring at it before he composes himself properly, puts away the emotions in a box in the back of his head like he's starting to learn to do, and xie lian lifts both it and the practice sword, tucks the practice weapon against his hip, and makes his way to the training room where it came from. he supposes if ookurikara has suddenly also gained a flair for the dramatics, he'll have hidden a letter or something in the room.
with a rush of warmth and brief amusement, xie lian realizes, he seriously doubts it. he catches himself walking a little faster than he should, and announces his presence only with a soft rap of his knuckles before he pulls the door open.
in the months that have passed, the 'prince' of xian le has lost some weight. his eyes are dark, complexion less rosy, the bags under his eyes deeper than before. he hasn't been taking care of himself very well (he never has been good at that, and four of the people who used to chide him for it vanished out of his life), and it's blatantly obvious, but it's still xie lian.
the door shuts behind him with a click.]
no subject
he thinks about them even as he walks into the temple for the first time in what feels like a lifetime, and while he waits restlessly for morning to come. everything they say echoes in his mind like a war cry in a field waiting to be watered with needless bloodshed. his blood boils with each word, and it makes him feel so very tired, but there is no chance of sleep, now that he has returned.
so when the training room door opens, there is no letter. pure reflex dictates that the sharp end of a matching training sword is suddenly pointed xie lian's way, and ookurikara stares down the blade at him, expression unchanging as he takes the sight of xie lian in. it's only after a long moment of silence that he finally speaks. ]
...You look terrible.
[ like he hasn't slept properly in weeks, in fact, and ookurikara has to wonder how true that may be. xie lian would work himself into the grave for his people, despite their ingratitude, and kara is under no illusion that that's exactly what the family head has been doing while his right hand was away. jiang cheng would have tried to convince him to rest, but even he wouldn't be able to keep xie lian down for long. it pains ookurikara to see him like this.
...and yet, he is relieved to see xie lian's face at all. it means he's safe, that nothing happened while ookurikara was away. he is still alive, tirelessly trying to improve the lives of a people who deserve none of his graces. it means that wei wuxian hasn't found a way to attack him from afar, or has really, truly given up on that bloody crusade.
and, most importantly, it means that he really has returned. ookurikara isn't sure how well he'll be received, after the way they left things, but xie lian is still family. xie lian is home. ]
no subject
at least this time, it's not going to stab him.)
the movement of his body happens long before his brain catches up, and when it does, there's a familiar rush of emotions. a sudden rush of happiness, confusion, worry - did he kill wei wuxian? he didn't, he couldn't have - and then kara speaks, and it touches instead on an unfamiliar warmth of... amusement. he's left staring at ookurikara like he hung the moon and the stars in the sky. like this is a miracle of some kind. like he might be dreaming.
...xie lian drops the defensive stance, finally, and huffs, half of a laugh, as he dips his head in greeting. ] ...I've been busy. [ so, so busy. trying to fix everything, trying to keep from being overtaken by the mori, trying to rebuild, trying to help okuni keep it together too, trying to play PR, trying, trying, trying. it's all xie lian has left in him, to put out as many little fires as he can to try and stop the five alarm that screams at the end of his road. the sight of a familiar face is so welcoming that he's left feeling lost at sea, ashamed at how far he's let things go, at how many times he's just utterly failed.
ookurikara was one of those things he'd failed, in a way; their argument had left him raw and upset, desperate to try and keep just one more thing from falling apart. he hadn't expected him to come back, and now, here ookurikara stands. strong, loyal ookurikara. his right hand, his closest friend. he's --
he's so relieved. xie lian bites the inside of his cheek and lets the unfamiliar warmth of a little joy wash over him for a moment longer. it takes him a long moment to decide what to say, as they stand in one of the training rooms they've stood in since they were small.
in the end, it's not so complicated, is it? his voice is soft. ] ...Welcome home.
[ i'm so glad you're here. ]
no subject
[ there's a glimmer of satisfaction in his eyes as kara lowers the practice sword - for the effortless block, or the reconstruction progress, who can say. it vanishes just as quickly as it came, as he turns away to avoid seeing the expression xie lian wears. it says so much, and he isn't sure what to do with it all. surely, he doesn't deserve a look like that, after arguing with his leader, his friend, and abandoning him on a personal quest for vengeance. surely, the people of their town are right, and he deserves to be told he is no longer welcome here in Montevallo, for his failure to catch the one most responsible for their suffering.
but, of course, xie lian would never say such things. he's far too good for that, and it's for that very quality that ookurikara has to stay by his side, if he will allow it. someone has to be prepared to deal with the uglier side of things, and jiang cheng can only do so much on his own.
and, he thinks, looking back at xie lian... he's missed his friend more than words could possibly convey. he would never say so aloud, but it shows in how his voice turns low, and his eyes soften with fondness as he finally looks back at xie lian, his longest. ookurikara has never been one for emotional conversations, though, so the words he chooses are simple, as if he'd been out on a simple errand. ]
...I'm back.
no subject
he can catch onto the soft look in his eyes, and xie lian glances down at the practice sword in his own hand, then back at kara. his own emotions are a confusing storm, and xie lian has never been that great at dealing with them (actually, the amount of difficult emotions he's had to deal with has changed exponentially in the past two or so months, but that's besides the point.) so, he's going to do what he does best.
his mouth quirks up into a smile, faintly more familiar, less trying to apologize for something and more xie lian. like he's thinking of doing something. kara knows him too, so it's probably not surprising that his first action is to lift the practice sword and dash forward, going for an attack with his usual clever footwork, his well-honed, well-trained swordsmanship as deadly accurate as ever.
when was the last time he came down to the training rooms? when was the last time he held one of these in his hands? it hearkens back to simpler times, and xie lian may not know how to tell kara how glad he is that he's back, how important he is to him, but he might be able to show it like this. out of the frying pan and into the fire has been the way that xian le functions, and xie lian is no exception to these rules.
if you're really back, he hopes your skills haven't dulled any, because a spar might be exactly what he needs to get out everything he's feeling--no words involved for either of them. ]
no subject
sparring with xie lian... he's missed it. it's why he'd waited here, instead of meeting xie lian in his office like a better subordinate might have done. for the two of them, though, having a conversation was always easier through action than words. this was always the best way for them to reach an understanding, through every argument and triumph and everything in between, and it had been far too long, even before ookurikara had left, since they'd last spoken this way.
so when he meets xie lian's eyes over the wooden swords, there is a challenge there. it's the same it's always been - come at me, show me what you mean to do, and I won't back down until one of us is done - confident that his skills are just as sharp as they've always been. a moment later, kara shoves him back, stepping forward into a wide sweep at xie lian's feet. whether or not it connects - and if he's honest, kara doesn't expect it to; xie lian is too well trained to fall for something like this right out of the gatte - he'll pull the sword back into a double-handed grip and move into a jab at xie lian's chest. ]
no subject
kara was just as obsessed with it as he was. they were kindred spirits in many ways, but this one perhaps the most, and when kara fights back, xie lian meets him with that same fervor. there's a glimmer in his eyes that has been there in months, too, and he seems to come more alive as kara attacks him back. he knows ookurikara will never go easy on him. he knows he will never baby him, or get bored and try to make him move onto other things. it's exactly what he needs and everything he loves about sparring with him. it's everything about why xie lian's immediate first choice for a right hand was ookurikara.
as he strikes inwards, xie lian springs back. the hop over the wide swing at his feet lets him lean out of the strike, back arching as he catches his hand on the floor and uses it to spring out of the way, flipping himself over and back on his feet in a moment. relentless, offensive, and refined has always been xie lian's style, and he rounds on ookurikara when he's back to his feet to clash the practice sword against his, turning with the momentum and lashing out with a kick in quick succession.
he loves this. he loves it. it's hard, and ookurikara won't back down for a second. every strike he gives kara is with the same relentless drive forward, a sign that xie lian has not given up. that he's still xie lian, still willing to fight for what's left with everything in him. ]
no subject
of course, it isn’t enough to stop him. every new development in battle is another opportunity to turn it around, so kara uses this one to swing the practice sword in a wide, upward arc while xie lian is close, with the intent to push him back.
and if xie lian looks close enough, he might see a hint of a smile, right before the sword connects. it feels like a lifetime since they’ve done this - since ookurikara has had this much fun. he hadn’t even allowed himself a chance in these past few months, so there won’t be any holding back now. not that anyone would ever say he went easy on xie lian, but sometimes you pass up what would be, logistically, the better move to make in a real battle for something a little more fun.
which is why, the second he gets a chance, he swings for xie lian's wrists - more to see how he'll evade than to knock the sword from his hands, but kara wouldn't pass up the chance to boast a little if h did, either. ]
kicks your fucking door open
but, as the momentum comes down, he grabs the sword by the hilt in his non-dominant left hand again and swings around, pivoting as light as a feather on the tip of his toes to get behind him. in another world, he'd be long hair and flowing silks; here, there's just the rustle of the fine fabric of his suit as he comes around kara, and this time, he'll hear xie lian's breathless laugh. it's not mean, or teasing, or cruel, it's --
it's delight is what it is.
it's certainly a bold way to dodge, but ookurikara can probably expect nothing less from xie lian, who is only conventional in the way that he's mastered how to be and how to avoid it. this is something he loves about ookurikara too, though - he is unbelievably, unbelievably talented, and every sparring match with him could carry on for hours.
sometimes saying things is hard, even for xie lian, who is as sincere as they come. but the movements he applies here scream so much more of his emotions than anything he could say. the care he puts into sparring with him, the expressions on his face, the easy flow and dance of communication that comes out of years of martial arts with a partner you know like the back of your hand. i missed you, it says, with every strike forward, pushing ookurikara now towards the back of the room with a more aggressive series of strikes, when he gets two hands on his blade again.
i missed you, i'm so glad you're here, i missed you, i needed you, i'm so glad you're home. ]