[closed] for sisi

[unfriendliest]

[ Xian Le is in such disarray after the decision - after losing Shinobu, Baren, and Wei WuXian all in one fell swoop - that perhaps Ookurikara should never have made the choice to leave. But he did, almost immediately. Why, exactly, Wei WuXian had turned traitor has never really mattered. He’d made his choices, and Ookurikara is determined to make him regret it.

"Letting him go will just give him the chance to ruin you from outside the city," he says, the day he leaves. "I won’t let him hurt you again."

And so, he goes. He rarely writes (though Shinobu, when he finds her, cheerfully threatens him into it), and he only receives snippets of news regarding the situation back home. But his eyes are focused elsewhere, nose to the grindstone and ear to the ground, looking for any trace of their traitor. It’s a personal offense, on some level, that Wei WuXian would attack Xie Lian after all he’s done to establish peace, all while pretending to be their friends - to be Ookurikara’s own friend, putting up the front of the neutral friend who could sympathize with their problems when he was the root cause of them.

Ookurikara has never forgiven himself for having believed it. There’s an irrational part of his mind that tells him that somehow, he should have known. He should have put a stop to it before things got that far. He failed Xie Lian, for failing to find the traitor beforehand.

So he keeps going, and loses track of how much time has passed. And if the Eastside is a little quieter without him, Ookurikara doesn’t seem to care. Life goes on, and Xie Lian has others to work for him, after all. Jiang Cheng wouldn’t allow anything else to go wrong, now that the traitor is gone.

Some time later, though, when Xie Lian returns to his office on an overcast morning, he’ll find Ookurikara’s sword sitting on his desk, and a wooden practice sword from one of the training rooms beside it. With no note to be seen, it seems the message should be clear from that alone.

Ookurikara has returned to Montevallo. ]

Comments

closes eyes

[dianxias]

[ for the past few weeks, xie lian hasn't really been himself.

in a way, it's to be expected. the past six weeks have been loss after loss after loss, culminating in the ultimate betrayal; two of the very people xie lian was closest to, both complicit in the acts of violence that have been strewn across xian le territory. both people xie lian trusted, both people xie lian had known since he was small. baren kumou, his former bodyguard, his closest childhood friend, someone who xie lian had given more of himself to than nearly anyone in his life, and wei wuxian, someone he confided in and treasured. barely a few weeks before they finally caught him, xie lian had expressed his unbelievable frustration about how the people in his family refused to let him do much of anything beyond being a figurehead. if he'd just known, he could have done something, could've stopped all of this with his own hands, could have stopped wei wuxian from leaving, baren from getting involved, could've, should've.

what's left, at the end? a burnt town, and xie lian. the murder of his parents, unsolved, the eastside of montevallo, begging to be rebuilt. a town of people who have no faith in him, who look at him on the street with pity instead of hope, who take out their anger on their family leader when they can get close enough. he lets it happen.

xie lian has lost a lot this year. he thought his parents' death was the worst--xie lian hadn't had any idea of how bad it could possibly be.

to top it off, ookurikara left. it was, supposedly, for xie lian's sake, but xie lian had fought back when he left, still so raw and upset that they'd gotten into an argument. and now, ookurikara is gone too, so stubbornly set in this form of vengeance that xie lian didn't want him to find. he'd been the one to make the final decision on exiling wei wuxian, because -- because he knew, in his heart, that the actions he took were because of xie lian's failings. because it was xie lian who couldn't help him--couldn't help montevallo. wasn't trustworthy enough. wasn't strong enough. he doesn't seek vengeance. there's no point. there's nothing left in him to be angry.

but, as it turns out, the world continues to move on, no matter the tragedies that beset you. xie lian does his best to try and rebuild. he goes out and hammers nails and puts up siding himself, greets shopkeepers, sweeps ashes, holds funerals at the shrine. xie lian sees to the punishment of madame wren, and it feels like the world is in shades of gray instead of bright colors, the days blurring together. he and jiang cheng work, and work, and work, and days move into weeks, into months. he collects the short letters, the ones from shinobu and ookurikara alike, keeps them in his desk drawer with the locks and the letters from before. he reads them on rough days, finds comfort in shinobu's work outside of montevallo, and life moves on.

it's one of these gray days that xie lian enters his office to the sight of a sword on his desk. he knows it better than perhaps any weapon he's touched beyond his own; his hand reaches for the grip, hesitant, before curling around it. ookurikara is... he's here. he wouldn't leave this sword (like baren left the lock and the feather, like wei wuxian left him a note of apologies); he must be here.

it takes him a long moment of staring at it before he composes himself properly, puts away the emotions in a box in the back of his head like he's starting to learn to do, and xie lian lifts both it and the practice sword, tucks the practice weapon against his hip, and makes his way to the training room where it came from. he supposes if ookurikara has suddenly also gained a flair for the dramatics, he'll have hidden a letter or something in the room.

with a rush of warmth and brief amusement, xie lian realizes, he seriously doubts it. he catches himself walking a little faster than he should, and announces his presence only with a soft rap of his knuckles before he pulls the door open.

in the months that have passed, the 'prince' of xian le has lost some weight. his eyes are dark, complexion less rosy, the bags under his eyes deeper than before. he hasn't been taking care of himself very well (he never has been good at that, and four of the people who used to chide him for it vanished out of his life), and it's blatantly obvious, but it's still xie lian.

the door shuts behind him with a click.]